Grief Is More Than Death: Understanding Many Kinds of Loss

By Kelly Jones, MSN-Ed, RN, PHN, Program Director of GRHS’s Senior Life Solutions

When we hear “grief,” we often think of death. But grief can follow many kinds of losses.

What counts as a loss?

A loss is being without something or someone important. People can lose:

A person or a pet
A home or a feeling of safety
Independence (like driving)
Physical or mental abilities
Family routines and traditions
Friendships and social roles
A sense of purpose or self-worth

Sometimes losses stack up, which makes grief feel even heavier.

A Quick Example

John is 80. After a stroke, he struggles to use one side of his body.
Before: he drove, paid bills, did yard work.
Now: he can’t drive, needs help with money, and can’t manage stairs.
No one died, but John and his wife lost independence, routines, and parts of how they see themselves. These losses are real and deserve care.

What is grief?

Grief is the strong reaction we have to loss. It looks different for each person and can change from one day to the next. There is no “right” way to grieve. Grieving is the journey after a loss. Over time, people learn, grow, and adjust their feelings.

How do we grieve well?

Two words: curiosity and kindness.

Curiosity: Ask gentle questions. “What do I need today?” “What helps?”
Kindness: Listen without judgment. Put pride aside. Grief asks us to be honest and open.

Holidays and “Firsts”

Special days can be hard. Old traditions may bring up mixed emotions. That’s normal. With the holiday season coming up, check in on yourself and loved ones to gauge how you’re doing. Be curious and kind to yourself and others.

Anticipatory Grief

This is grief before a loss—such as when a loved one has a serious illness or dementia. You may feel waves of sadness while also preparing for the future.

When Grief is Complicated

Grief can be tangled with other hard feelings—especially if the relationship had pain (abuse, neglect, long conflict). You may grieve the person and also struggle with those memories.

Grief and Aging

As we age, losses increase: health changes, new diagnoses, and friends or family passing away. Grief can blend with depression or anxiety, but these are not a normal part of aging.

Late-life depression often looks like:

Poor sleep
Low energy
Worry or irritability
Memory fog or trouble focusing

If this sounds familiar, you’re not alone—treatment works.

Ageism and Self-talk

Ageism is unfair treatment or beliefs about people because of their age. It can also be self-directed—like telling yourself you’re “worthless” because you can’t do what you used to do.

Back to John: “I’m no good anymore because I can’t drive.” Thoughts like this add to his grief and hurt his mental health.

Important: Loneliness, isolation, and ageism make symptoms worse. Real social connection isn’t extra—it’s part of treatment.

You Are Not Alone

Recognizing when you need help takes courage—and taking that first step can make all the difference. If you or someone you care about is facing emotional or mental health challenges, we’re ready to help. We offer a unique program that supports adults aged 65 and above through loss and change, called Senior Life Solutions.

Referrals can be made by anyone—whether it’s you, a loved one, or a healthcare provider.

To learn more, visit our Senior Life Solutions webpage or call 320.331.2107. You don’t have to face this alone. Together, we’ll help you find renewed balance and emotional well-being.

How Falls, Loss, and Life Changes Can Trigger PTSD in Older Adults